Happy Adoption Day, Sweet Abe!

Eight months ago today, we met our sweet baby boy. And this morning we had the privilege to stand before a judge and finalize his adoption. I've explained this before with the other boys, but it was eight months ago that he became our son and we immediately fell in love. Today it just became legal and official that we are his forever family. My dad and I were just talking tonight...we've heard two pastors explain a little detail in adoption when emphasizing the power of our adoption by our Heavenly Father. I thought I'd explain because it's just a really cool thought. A parent can disown their biological child. But a parent can not legally disown their adopted child. That is cool because of the spiritual parallel and that we can never be cut apart from God once we have accepted Christ as forgiveness for our sins, chosen to follow God and have become a child of His. But this fact is also cool from our end as an adoptive family...there is strength and commitment in our family bond and legally it can not be bent. I love this.
Last night we drove to Oklahoma City with my parents. All seven of us in our minivan. It was tight. We got to bed late at a hotel and woke early this morning (I was the first up in our room at 6am) to get ready for our Adoption Day in court. After our hearing, we had lunch as a family and then headed to a friend's house to have a little celebration. You may remember I had two sweet friends that housed Abe and I for a good portion of our stay in Oklahoma. Well, Daysha opened her home once again for our little party. She even got balloons! :) And Andrea and Abigail came and celebrated with us. Two sweet friends that have stuck close after leaving Oklahoma City over four years ago. I'm very thankful for friends that stick. So we partied it up with Abe and celebrated another miracle in our lives. Abe Malachi, you are our blessing. You are such a sweet and fun part to our family. All four of us are crazy about you for so many reasons. God has blessed us with the addition of YOU, my son. I pray that you grow up to truly comprehend the way God used you to increase our prayers, increase our faith and have our hearts spilling over with love and thankfulness. What a privilege it is to be your mommy, forever!
Excuse the massive amounts of pictures. My dad took a ton. I loved them all and I'm sharing many of them. Probably too many of them.

 

 

Killing time and having a little freedom while we were waiting our turn to go into the courtroom.

 Nana with the proud big brothers.

 

Family of five!

Hooray!

 

Sweet open mouthed kisses.

 

 

 

 

Lunch at one of our favorite Oklahoma chains...City Bites!

 

 

Cheeser.

 

 

It's a tradition. He had to wear the shirt.

The cookie cake said: "Happy Adoption Day Abe!" I forgot and sliced it before taking a picture. Oops.

 

 Sweet little friends.

 I was SO excited to give him his sock monkey. It's our adoption gift tradition. I've been holding onto it for several weeks. Holden got the original brown one on his Adoption Day when he was 6 months old. Holden and his monkey, who is named "Monkey" are inseparable. In fact, he had to be replaced because his original was so worn out. See here. Pax has a blue one, who is named "Blueberry". But he has no great attachment to it...or any stuffed animal friends. And Abe has picked up Holden's monkey several times in the last few months, checked it out, put it in his mouth, etc...when this would happen, Holden would quickly and kindly take the monkey away and move it to higher ground where baby brother couldn't reach it. :)

I have a feeling Abe is going to love his little yellow monkey. He is sleeping with it now, with a little encouragement from me. :)

 Our little boy finally wiped out from the festivities. I'm glad Papa J got in for a picture. He was doing all the picture taking today.

Daysha and I. I didn't think to get a picture with my friends until Andrea had already left.

It was a special day of celebration for our little Abester!

joy.

Last night my family of five was finally home. Together.

And we are giving thanks to God for this new life.

going on 4 weeks.

Yesterday was 4 weeks. I really am thankful that I didn't know this process would take this long when we began. Obviously nothing would have changed, but knowing the length of our stay might have created more stress on us than the stress of just taking it all a day at a time. As frustrating as it is waiting day by day for status updates, I think knowing too much too far in advance would have been much worse.

Now for the good news. All paperwork should be getting approval from Oklahoma offices tomorrow. Should be. Hopefully. They will then overnight it to Texas for approval and then we are cleared to leave. So we might be heading home on Monday. Why these government offices do not work digitally in 2013 completely baffles me. Completely. Baffles. Me. Going home Friday for a nice, normal weekend just sounded so much better than Monday. But at this point, I just want to be home so I'm not going to complain about a few more days. And on the bright side, Jeremy and the big boys are headed up to see us tomorrow. We will have another weekend as a family. These weekends together are one of the things that have gotten me through this ordeal. We are all just very ready for our normal life again.

I'm in such a better place this week than any pevious weeks. I've hardly cried at all. ;) It may have just taken me this long to adjust my expectations to this reality. Or I've just gotten use to the chaos of this whole situation. Or maybe I can just finally see the light at the end of this tunnel. Either way, I'm in a good place for the most part. I will admit that it has been a constant spiritual battle the past few weeks. Faith and my prayer life normally hasn't been a struggle for me. I'm not boasting AT ALL. My struggles are many and in other areas. I typically have no hesitations in asking God for the impossible, to break down walls and show His power in situations that sometimes seem impossible. And then trusting His plan and His goodness regardless of the outcome. That has normally come fairly easy for me. But as I've asked for very specific things, our situation has continued to unravel even further into a bigger, impossible mess. And it was completely discouraging for my faith. I was still believing that God's plan was good...even if I couldn't exactly see the good...but I wasjust having trouble continuing to ask God to move mountains when it was clear that I couldn't understand his ways for this situation. I think I've become a little intimidated. My friend pointed this out as Satan today and I think she is right. So I'd love for God to tear down a wall and we could be cleared to go home tomorrow, but if I'm being completely honest here, I'm almost afraid to ask. So it has definitely been a little spiritual journey. A big one, actually. But His plans are good. Always. I don't always have to understand them. In the grand scheme of things, this is little stuff. The closer we get to the finish line, the more easily I'm able to recognize that. And tonight I'm not even going to suggest how you should pray for us now. Because I just don't know. But thank you to so many that have been praying for our situation. So many have been loving us in some incredible ways. So thank you, friends. We are very grateful.

All About Abe (+ a tiny update)

It seems as though there is a lot of nothing going on with our process right now. I am beyond frustrated. But instead of venting here again, I'll fill you in on our sweet little babe. A very gracious God blessed us with this sweet boy. So it only makes sense to trust Him with the rest of it. He is in control. Not everyone else. I keep reminding myself of this simple truth.

-So a little about our sweet baby boy. He has an amazing smile and I see it constantly. His beautiful full lips completely thin out when he shares his biggest grins.
-He loves to stand in our laps. He holds onto our hands and pulls himself up with those big muscles. Up. Down. Up. Down. He loves this little game. He also loves standing and bouncing on our laps. I've requested that Jeremy set up the Jumperoo before we get to bring Abe home. I think he'll love it.
-Today, May 29th, at almost 6 months, he rolled from front to back twice in a row. For the past week, I knew he could do it by the way he was pushing up on his feet into almost the push up position. I think he enjoys tummy time so much he just wasn't interested in rolling.
-He LOVES his baby cereal. He is my first baby that loves this stuff. Sometimes I can't shovel it into his mouth fast enough. And he's quickly become a fairly neat eater. Daddy will be proud. :) I've been holding off on starting fruits and veggies. I wanted to wait until we were home so I could start making it, as I did with the boys. That would be my ideal preference. By the way he loves this bland cereal, I  can only imagine he will love the fresh purees that are hopefully in his near future.
-Last week I bumped the big boy up to size 4 diapers. He was constantly leaking in size 3 and the larger size seemed to take care of the issue. He is wearing 9 months (probably not too much longer) and also 6-12 month clothes.
-He will hardly sleep in a pack-n-play. I mean, who can blame him. They are pretty solid and stiff. But he sleeps well on a regular bed. He even naps on a regular bed very well when I'm in another room. I'm hoping that eventually his new crib will meet his sleeping standards. :)
-At night he seems to be going about 6 hours between feedings. I know that is nothing to brag about, but I'm just documenting for the sake of remembering. He is about the size of Holden at this age. I still haven't weighed him so that's me eyeballing it, whatever that is worth. But holden was taking 8+oz 4 times a day before he was 4 months. Abe is only able to handle about 5-6oz at a feeding. And he's getting about 6 feedings a day still, with the extra 2 at nighttime. I'll work on it once we get settled at home. I'm thinking that if I can squeeze in some extra ounces during the day (without over-feeding him) then maybe those night stretches with lengthen. We'll see. As I've said before, it's a whole other ball game this time around. But I don't mind feeding him at midnight and then again at 6am (not that those times are always consistent by any means). For now, he and I sleep in until around 9am. Sometimes even 10am!! I know those days are coming to an end. And I don't care. I'm so so eager to have my family together. I really do ache for my big boys when I think about the time I'm missing out on with them.
So please continue to pray for us. That these people we are working with would be gracious and compassionate towards us. That they would expedite things, considering our situation and being out of state with our family in different places. I've been pleading with God to release us to go home. But just today I was thinking how I need to also be praying for those that have their hands on our file. That they would work quickly with our best interest in mind. That we could be a top priority right now. That they would take the necessary steps for approval but not create a bunch of extra hoops for us to jump through. Which is how it is feeling right now. See, I did end up venting after all. We covet all prayers because we know that He is in control and we firmly believe prayer can change things. Thank you friends.

A few thoughts...

I was gifted this incredible devotional for my birthday. I find it no coicidence that the reoccurring themes that seem to stick out are thankfulness and embracing the moments, rather than rushing through to the next phase. Believe me, lately rushing ahead has been my goal. Until this weekend as I started noticing all of the different ways Abe is changing and progressing. Goodness, I don't want Jeremy to keep missing out! This afternoon I read from my devotional: God is always good and we are always loved...even when what He gives may appear ugly. I do realize that my situation isn't terrible-horrible. But I have recently had the thoughts of how this isn't ideal for Abe either. He had already been through some traumatic changes with our new family and now we are moving from place to place, encountering different people at each one. New homes, new faces, new beds. And added to that is the absence of his new  daddy and brothers. Not a big deal in my mind if he were 3 weeks old. But I consider it more since he's coming up on 6 months. And I just wonder how his little mind takes it all in ~ all of the change that has happened for him in these 3 short weeks. But the devotional talked a little more about how these uglies can actually be beautiful if we ponder it a little longer, opening our hearts to the good inside the messy. So after reading this, I curled up on the bed next to my sleeping baby and I decided to finally start seeing the beauty in our mess.

- I've had a whole lot of time with just Abe. I'm sure 3rd children don't typically get the constant one on one time that he and I have shared recently. For the past 5 days no one else has needed my assistance or attention. He has had it all. And even though this won't be the reality of our lives once we are home, maybe it's exactly what Abe and I need for right now. I can be thankful for this time that the two of us have had to bond. It has been filled with countless special moments.

- Today I thanked God for a husband that I adore and that I deeply miss right now. I'm grateful he's worth missing. I thanked God for my two little boys at home that I love to share my days with. How joyful it is that I'm aching to see them rather than desiring the time away.

- I'm thankful for friends that take me into their own family without hesitation. Serve me meals, shuffle around their kid's space so that Abe and I have our own room and cry with me when I'm missing all of my boys. Compassionate, sweet friends are a blessing indeed.

- I'm grateful that we are a family of 5!!!!! It was one of my desires for 2013 to add another little one to our family. And what a sweet blessing baby Abe is! I'm so so thankful God gave him to us. Reading through my journal this week I came across one from April 11, just last month, where I told God I was feeling an ache for baby #3. I even mentioned that I wondered if that ache was because my baby was already on this earth. Whoa - My baby was here! I love that I have that journal entry in writing.

Nothing about this situation is ideal for me or Abe or my family waiting for us at home. And I do still request prayers that we can be cleared to leave this week. But at least for today, I'm glad that I was gently reminded to be thankful and to enjoy these moments that have been given to me.

the wait continues...

Today I've been in Oklahoma for 17 days. And honestly, I probably have at least one more week. At least. On Thursday I did cross the Red River and had fingerprints redone. A two-and-a-half hour drive one way for a 5 minute project. But a very important project if I ever want to get home. So I made the drive alone (since mister Abe is forbidden to cross that Red River for now), had the prints, made a Sonic lunch stop for cheddar peppers with ranch and vanilla Diet DrPepper easy ice (lots of healthy eats these days!) and back on the road for that two-and-a-half hour drive again. It was fast and furious. Abe stayed with my sweet friend while I was gone. A friend that attempted to keep him asleep during his last nap in her arms, as I was almost back to their house. She wanted it to be my face he woke up to, which is something I've been very purposeful about in the last 2+ weeks. It didn't work out, but was an incredibly sweet effort on her part. One that I wasn't expecting and for sure not requesting. He and I have been glued to one another since meeting and I really didn't want to leave him. But I had no choice. I'm glad it's another task completed. If you've been praying for us, you can now pray for speedy processing to get us home. For processing time, we've heard anywhere from 72 hours to 3 weeks to 6 weeks and anything in between. 72 hours is about the only estimate I can swallow right now. I can't even toy with those other numbers at this point. I know my sweet husband will be making phone calls and trying to track things and move this little process along to get us home as soon as possible.

Abe and I have had a good few days at our friend's home. I feel like when he wakes in the night, he looks around and studies his surroundings. Probably wondering where in the heck he is now. He is typically in bed curled up to me. And I hope he finds comfort in my consistent face that he is constantly seeing. But his location has been changing since he came to us. I keep thinking how this little guy in my family doesn't yet know his home. And maybe family is a bit fuzzy in his mind, because of the different faces he is surrounded by and that seem to change every few days (other than mine of course). But I constantly have to push those thoughts aside knowing that normal will be here soon and in time he will know home and know family. And we'll make certain he knows the permanence of both of those things, deeply.

My big boys made it home to daddy yesterday! That makes me happy. There is a large part of me that wishes they were coming to Oklahoma and joining us for the long weekend. But I do think that after two-and-a-half weeks of being everywhere else, home with daddy is a perfect place for them right now. I can imagine that they'll get to do lots of bike riding, dump truck pushing, dirt digging and other outside fun. I don't want them to have to climb back into their car seats and make another road trip, but kissing their faces would do wonders for me right now. I know it's only been a few days. It's just the lingering thought of not knowing how many more days like this are ahead. I'm a family girl! I was the little girl that never wanted to go spend a week at the grandparents during the summertime because I would miss my parents in a terrible way. And this same girl just doesn't enjoy this separation from her family now. Not only do I not enjoy it, but it makes me ache quite a bit.

Holden and Pax had a great time with the Myers these past few days. Their time was filled at the park, swimming, ChickFilA, having snow cones, dressing up like princesses ;) and so much more. I know those days were a fun distraction and you can't really know how much I appreciated the time and effort spent on my boys. So special. And Amanda included me the entire time by texting pictures of each event. A beautiful friend! She even dropped my boys off at home with a homemade dinner for them all. How she had time and energy for that, I have no idea.

Through the frustrations of this situation and the missing of my family, I've felt very loved. Time and time again by people surrounding me, friends from home and even some bloggy friends that I've never met in person. My boys have felt loved which cheers my heart since I can not be with them now. Keep praying for us. I'm missing my other three like CRAZY and hoping to gather us all in one place again very soon!!

not much progress.

Well, here we sit in this blasted hotel room. And it's been no vacation. The past two days I've done a lot of crying as my plans and prayers felt like they crumbled in front of me. I even lost my right contact through all my tears yesterday. No joke. I seriously cried it out of my eye. Our paperwork did not go through the system as smoothly as we hoped. So it looks like we will be getting fingerprinted again, as the last time they were not processed correctly. That's the nutshell version. I'm learning that out of state adoptions are just a little more complicated and there is no way around it. The good news is that Abe and I are riding out this wait together. The hardest part was saying goodbye to my big boys tonight. My eyes tear up just typing that. Being their momma is hard work and exhausting. But when it comes down to it, it's my favorite job in the world. And I miss my boys when I can't be with them. But after 10 full days in a hotel, they needed out. They are spending the next 3 days and nights with our BFFs who begged to love us in the most amazing way, by caring for our boys for a few days. These friends are more like family and I'm so so grateful for their persistence to help and love in a very needed way. Jeremy and I have a really hard time asking for help. So our sweet friends gently pushed and called and texted and begged to help us in this way.The boys were thrilled to go and spend a few nights with Josh and Amanda and their little friends Camryn and Reid. But I cried and cried and cried about it...not really knowing when I'll see them next. And also letting go of that desire to keep my little family all together as we transitioned from 4 to 5. Life in a hotel was hard for us...but also financially we just couldn't keep doing it. So tomorrow Abe and I will head to a friend's house and continue our wait there. I have 2 wonderful friends in Oklahoma that are also loving us well by letting us crash at their homes for an uncertain amount of time. I'm hoping we don't wear out our welcome.

I've struggled today with remembering that God is in all things. And just remembering Him. Period. I've been very self focussed, for probably the last week. And today as Jeremy and I took call after call and our outcome continually got worse, it was easier to feel my own pity and wallow around in it, than to take it to God. My sweet friend that is caring for my boys this week has burned up my texts with scripture from the moment we learned about our son. That has been a huge encouragement and always a timely reminder. My sister, today, reminded me of the manna and to be present and have peace in today instead of worrying about tomorrow and wondering if I'll still be waiting here in 3 weeks. A good reminder. It's funny that two weeks ago I would have told you that trusting God comes easily for me. But I'm still not sure where this little struggle puts me with that thought. If I took the time to lay out all the details you would see how almost everything that could have gone wrong, pretty much did. When I prayed a very specific way, the door would close, making our goal even further away. At one point Jeremy and I both had to stop and laugh because it was becoming so ridiculous. I should clarify that I do trust God. I think I truly do. But this little journey has just made me ask the question why a whole lot.

So here we are waiting. Still waiting. Not together as our family of 5, as I intended. But Abe and I in Oklahoma waiting on some green lights. Jeremy at work while being pulled in 10 other directions. And Holden and Pax having a mini vacay just over an hour from home. Not what I planned as we drove north as a family two weeks ago today. But it's what we have to work with. This may all seem like petty complaints and whining. Especially when just an hour north of where I am tonight people are dealing with the remains of vicious tornados. They have more rights for the "why's" than I do, if I want to compare trials. In the back of my mind I know that. I'm just ready for home and my complete family and our normal life again.

Thank you for so many that have been praying for us through this. For your texts, emails and phone calls. Thank you for offering to help. Occupying our big boys during this chaotic time for us. Opening your home to us. Loaning Jeremy a car since his truck won't carry both Holden and Pax. Asking me for pictures of our sweet Abe. Aunt Amy has requested a picture every single day. :) Listening to me cry and vent over the phone. The sweet gifts you given to our baby boy. I know I may be forgetting things. But we've felt very loved and supported. So thank you.

Still waiting...

For those that care, we are still in Oklahoma. Jeremy slipped into our bed at the hotel around 1:30am Friday. He had worked a very long day on Thursday and then came to be with us. Things are just 100 times easier and better when he is here. So he has been here all weekend and I'm dreading him leaving tomorrow night. Dreading it. Even if the hotel had a greenbelt or something where the big boys could run off some energy, that would help. But our location isn't set up that way. And I'm new to this mommy of 3 thing...so on my own in the hotel is just a little hard. Sorry if that sounds whiney. We left home 10 days ago and I'm just more than ready for our return. And getting Abe on any kind of schedule doesn't even seem realistic until we are home. Our big boys have a pretty consistent routine and schedule and even theirs has gone out the window. So our agency tells us it would probably be Tuesday or Wednesday at the earliest that we would leave. That is just a guess as it is out of their hands at this point. But I'm begging and pleading with God for Monday.

On another note, Abe is doing just amazing. We are bonded. Though I will admit to having bonded in less than 24 hours with him. He has become such an immediate and permanent piece to our family. So sweet, laid back, full of smiles and loving to be cuddled. His naps are sporadic, inconsistent and short. Sometimes he naps in our arms and other times in the pack-n-play. But it's usually a cat nap, 45 minutes at the very longest. He sleeps fairly well at night...he goes about 7 hours without a feeding. But that is often inconsistent as well. What he does one night guarantees nothing for the next. We definitely used sleep training for Holden and Pax and they were both sleeping a solid 12 hours at night by 4 months. Holden was doing this by 3 months. But I just don't think that will be an option for us with Abe. At least not any time soon. Coming to us at 5 months, sleep is at the bottom of the totem pole in our minds. But he is pure sweetness and feeding him at 5:30am (or whatever obscene hour) always puts a smile on my face. Even if my eyes are half closed. Daily these thoughts have been running through my head: What a priviledge that it's me. I am now the mommy that can comfort him the best. That can settle him during a restless night . The voice he now turns his head towards. That will be his biggest cheerleader as he grows and changes in the many years to come. I missed his first 5 months, but what a privilege that I get to share his future. He is quite the gift!

An Adoption Update

I will make this short and sweet. "Free time" is more precious than ever these days. Yesterday our family had the priviledge to meet our little guy's birth mother. We love T, just as we do K and M. She did go to court yesterday to relinquish her rights. So we are one step closer to going home. We had a good visit with her and got some sweet pictures of she and Abe to share with him as he grows. Our agency has informed us that all of our paperwork should be in the right hands by Friday - so they can start going through it to clear us to cross state lines. They are optimistically guesstimating that maybe we could be going home as early as Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. But since I like to shoot for the stars, I've been asking for prayers that they could review our file once received on Friday, find no issues or missing information and approve us the same day...putting us home for a nice weekend together. God has done some amazing things through this journey, so I believe it's possible. Life in a hotel with 2 energetic little boys is hard. And we decided to not stay in the metro so Jeremy would have an easier commute. Half the week he is working his tail off, putting in at least 40 hours.(Just Monday and Tuesday he worked 30!!! He did that for his family. He's incredible and I know it.) And the other half of the week he is staying with us. My mom stayed here with me Sunday night through Wednesday and that was a great help. But anyways, we are in a small town closer to the border for less of a commute for him. In hindsight that wasn't our best decision for my sanity and even more so for the boys. So that is part of my rush to get home. We went to WalMart one day for entertainment. And I hate WalMart, so that has to tell you something.
Abe seems to be adjusting well. Jeremy and I both agreed that he had a hard time remembering daddy yesterday after not seeing him since Sunday. Just another reason our family needs to be home. But he is full of smiles and genuinely seems to be such a happy, laid back guy. I praise God daily for his joyful spirit despites the changes he has faced recently. I'll post more of his adorable pictures once we are home and settled.
Feel free to pray for another miracle with us...that we could be on the road to Texas tomorrow! Thank you friends!

Introducing Abe

Yesterday at noon we picked up our sweet boy. We arrived to the agency a little early. So we sat down to try and plow through paperwork before he arrived to us. As soon as we got started on the paperwork, they walked in with Abe. His sweet caregiver immediately handed him off to me without any words and left the room. Sweet, sweet gesture to give us that first moment with him. And I fell to pieces. I wasn't expecting that. But I just lost it and became really emotional. I've missed that boy these past 5 months and I didn't even know I was missing him.
We had been talking about the name Abraham for a boy for the past couple of months, with full intentions to call him Abe. Then when we found out his birthmother had named him Malachi, we immediately loved it. Then seeing his picture and seeing he looked very much like a Malachi, we were hesitant to change it. But the bigger part of me wanted to give him his first name, as we've done with Holden and Pax. On our drive to Oklahoma yesterday morning I was trying to get Jeremy to talk about it. It felt like he was leaning towards keeping Malachi as the first name. Then he told me he had been remembering that morning, that on Monday night (the day we had found out about him) the boy's Bible story that Jeremy read to them was about Abraham and Sarah. I remember hearing him read it to the boys and I was thinking, how appropriate. The story was about Abraham and Sarah trusting God to provide them with a child. And that particular night I was waiting to hear back from the agency. So I remember thinking how God was gently reminding me to wait for Him. Jeremy said that on Tuesday (once we knew this baby was ours), the following story was on Abraham again. It was good clarity to Jeremy to give him our chosen name, Abraham. So he is Abraham Malachi and we are calling him Abe.
He is a big ole boy! Already in 6-9month clothing at 5 months old. He has the biggest thighs! He is a happy and laid back personality right now. We are doing lots of holding, snuggling and making up for lost time. He slept with me most of the night, last night. I just want him to quickly learn who mommy and daddy are. I am fully bonded to him and completely in love. But I know that will take a little longer for him. This shuffling of his life has to leave him confused, among other things. And that is a little heartbreaking to me.
I want to ask for a few prayer requests when and if you're thinking of us.
-Pray for Abe and this transition. That he would trust us. That he would feel safe and know that we are here FOREVER.
-T, his birthmother will relinquish rights on May 21st. Pray for her heart as she makes this final and permanent decision. I am not really concerned about this step of the process. I do not feel like she will be changing her mind. But my Bible study leader told me last night that she has begun praying that miraculously we would get an earlier court date to accomplish this. Honestly, that would be a huge miracle by God. But hey, however the Spirit leads you! These words from her were so encouraging. The reason she is praying for this is because we are stuck in Oklahoma through this court date. And then some. After relinquishment, more paperwork has to be completed in both Texas and Oklahoma before we are able to take him across state lines. We are staying with friends thru Sunday and then off to a hotel until we are released to leave the state.
-So please pray for a speedy process so we can get back home into our normal routine. Jeremy will be doing a lot of back and forth during this time. My mom will be up here with me some.
-Pray for Holden and Pax. Day 1 went very well. They have been awesome and sweet big brothers. I can only hope that it continues to go so smoothly.
I know that I'm probably missing some major details here. But that's about all I have time for right now. And I don't know how much updating I'll be doing from Oklahoma. Thank you for your prayers, support and rejoicing with us in our newest blessing!
At this point I can not upload pictures to the blog. I'm devastated. :( Ha. He's amazing and such a cutie!

**Update. I just received a call from our agency. Relinquishment court date has been moved forward to May 15th. God is all over this adoption and we are so thankful to get to experience His hand at work. Why am I always floored when he pours out his blessings and miracles on us?! Thank you God!

oh boy ~ oh boy ~ oh boy!

You notice the repeated words three times? Well, it's because we have ANOTHER baby boy! Oh my goodness. Three little boys. Three little brothers. Wow!
We found out about the possibility of him yesterday. Which ironically is the same day we found out about the possibility of Holden in 2008! To the exact date....May 6th. Isn't that crazy!? Also, a long time friend texted me on February 25th and told me about this dream that she had. In her dream we had adopted a 4 month old baby boy, named Adam. I told her how crazy that was since we were doing a newborn adoption program. Well, our little boy is 5 months old. So yesterday, when I knew our family might be a possibility for this little guy, I remembered her telling me about that dream. He was born on December 2nd. He was named Malachi, which we really love. We may be moving Malachi to his middle name...or we may keep it as his first. We are having a tough time deciding on that. And I'm missing a whole lot of information right now. I will share some of what I know. He is 5 months old, but outgrowing his 3-6month clothes. Another big boy on our hands. Apparently, he is a happy little guy, full of smiles and personality. He's cute. :) Check out the recent pictures below.
Tomorrow we will head to Oklahoma to take him in our arms and be his forever family! And I just can't wait to get my hands on him. I've been through many emotions today. So thankful. So so thankful for God's good plans and that He can always be trusted. I love how He speaks to us through circumstances and guides us so gently to His plans for us. But honestly, I've been deeply sad at different points in my day that I've missed 5 whole months of my baby's life. That has been a hard thought for me for many reasons. And that is one of the reasons we are not delaying this trip by another day. I'm already worrying for my new little one and this recent shuffling in his life. Pray for him as he makes this transition to our family. That he could quickly learn who mommy and daddy are and attach to us well. We will be doing everything we know to make it a wonderful and easy transition for him. And here is our newest, sweet little love!

 And I did go on a little shopping trip tonight for my sweet baby boy! Honestly, it really was good retail therapy. It made me even more excited to welcome him home. I bought mostly necessities: diapers, wipes, bath soap, lotion, new pacis and a bottle brush. And then a few extras: a few new outfits and a cute little puppy taggie handheld blanket. I know he has two older brother now, but not everything can be a handmedown just because he is #3! :)

Distractions while we wait...

We've officially been doing this adoption wait for 1 week. Yep, just 1 week. In reality, I feel like we've been waiting since mid-February. My mind was consumed with baby #3 during the months of February and most of March. This was a good and a sweet thing. I was constantly thinking about and praying for our next baby and birth mother that we'll probably begin building a relationship with in the future. Then we decided to do some food testing with Holden (I keep promising more on this - and I never make the time to sit and put it all out there). Anyways, we took a very dramatic turn with his diet on March 18th. Yes, I remember the date that things in our kitchen really changed. We already had him on a somewhat limited diet - gluten free and dairy free. Can I just tell you that was a piece of gluten free cake compared to this new deal?! As I was saying, it has been a distraction. In the long run, I completely believe in the route we're headed. But I'm going to admit that it hasn't been easy on my end. Or his. But I've probably whined about it much more than Holden has.

 

A much sweeter distraction recently has been planning that boy's 5th birthday. Oh my goodness, I get a lump in my throat when I realize that he is almost 5!! It really, really, really does not seem possible that I have been a mommy for 5 years. Jeremy and I decided we would do big parties for our kids through their 5th birthday and then we'll change up their celebration in the future years. So this is the last little party that I will plan for my firstborn. Whoa. I threw out a couple of theme ideas to Holden and I was happily shocked when he chose the one I had been hoping for. I figured he'd pick a character theme or something. But it's been a fun distraction for me to put together the little details for his 5th birthday celebration.

A practice run on the birthday cupcakes. One of the main ingredients is pureed chickpeas! I promise this recipe could fool you! Gluten free, dairy free, rice free, nut free, quinoa free. Just about everyting FREE. ;) Nonetheless, delicious! He was a big fan of his chocolate cupcakes.

 

I mentioned in a previous post that we were planning to start some landscaping this spring. Well, demolition started last weekend. We ripped everything out of the front yard, except for our one lone tree. Somehow we started with an idea to do some type of permanent edging for landscaping and then we'd fill it in with plants and flowers. Then a few conversations later and we were extending our front patio. Jeremy is a DIYer through and through. And because I've seen him do so many projects throughout the years, I never really question if he can do something or if it will look anything less than perfect. He's a thorough researcher and on top of that, a perfectionist. This little project has taken most of his free time for the past two weekends. And his back was killing him by Saturday evening. But it's been a fun distraction to watch my husband add some much needed curb appeal to our home. He amazes me with his talents and abilities. I told him last night, that in my opinion, this is his most impressive DIY project yet. I'll definitely be posting before and after pictures once the whole thing is completed. We're just calling this phase 1 of 3. :)

On demolition day, Holden had the privilege to play with some worms. Ewww.

We are tentatively planning (please note that planning is a VERY loose term in our house these days) an early summer vacation in the next month. Obviously, if we get our baby call, there will be no vacay. And we're a-okay with that. But if we are still in this wait, it's a little something extra to look forward to. Sea World just may be in our future again. I just know the boys would love it so much at this age. It's been two years since their first Sea World experience. And I would love for it to work out for us to take them again very soon.

 

These two faces are my constant reminder, that God's plan is NEVER delayed. His timing is always perfect. So for now, I wait with joy and contentment for him to fill our home again with another baby love. And as we wait, I'm thoroughly enjoying my family of four.

Adoption Update

Yesterday Jeremy and I spent an entire day in Oklahoma with our adoption agency. They had requested that we attend an Adoption Orientation. If I'm being completely honest, I thought it was going to be a waste of time for us. With this being our 3rd adoption, what could we really learn that is new. But goodness, it was such an amazing day getting to meet our agency staff face to face. And more importantly, getting to hear their hearts and their passion for adoption. You have to know that Jeremy and I can instantly connect with those that share this passion with us. So it was such a wonderful day. It was emotional at times, hearing other's stories and sharing parts of our own. But at random times, as I sat and listened, my eyes just welled with tears and often for different reasons. But a few of those moments were just because I knew right then that we were right where God had always planned to place us. We landed at Lilyfield by process of elimination. But Friday confirmed to us what a special agency this is and what wonderful and ethical work they do. And I'm so proud and so thrilled to be working with them through this adoption process. I looked at the clock around 2pm and cringed at the thought that we only had 1 hour left. I had been soaking up the stories, the information and the company that surrounded us. And honestly the time flew by too fast for my preference.
Jeremy and I stopped for dinner on our way back to Texas and had one of the greatest conversations that we've had in a long time. We were just processing the information outloud while reflecting back on our past experiences. So I'm going to share something that I've never shared with anyone except Jeremy. We were always open to an open adoption, even if we were timid at our first thought of it before we began adopting. But when Holden was placed with us, his sweet birth mother chose a closed adoption. She felt like that was easiest for her and we completely respect her decision. Though I will admit that I long for her to see his sweet face today, almost 5 years later. And I wish I could tell her in some way how she has blessed our lives. But because of his closed adoption, I never had this other person in our lives that shared that title of mother with me. It was just me. We just had K in pictures, though we talk about her often. So when Pax came along, again we were open to an open adoption. And his adoption has remained wide open, which we have loved. But very early on, there was this fear way down deep, that I couldn't even say outloud to Jeremy at the time. It was that Pax wouldn't ever feel as much MINE because M was a present birthmother in our lives. She was more than just a picture and part of his story. We had an actual relationship with her. So I had this fear that my connection to my two sons might feel differently and maybe even a little less with Pax. Man, that doesn't sound good does it? At some point, I did share these feelings and thoughts with Jeremy, while they were still very present. So yesterday, Jeremy shared a little of this for those that seemed timid of open adoption. Honestly, I had sort of forgotten about that time and that crazy fear. Jeremy also explained how there is no confusion with Pax on who is mommy is. And how he normally CLINGS to me at those visits. So as just the two of us sat at dinner last night, tears were streaming down my face as I sort of laughed at that fear that I had somehow forgotten even existed at one time. And Jeremy responded to me with, "Isn't it funny...{And then a big gulg. He was having trouble getting his words out too.} how God tells you you're wrong." And we sat misty-eyed at the work of the Lord and perhaps one that we had overlooked. I will never forget those words that came from his mouth. You see, the ironic part of my past fear now, is that God has given me the sweetest momma's boy you could ever know. He has woven our hearts so closely together in many ways. One of those unique ways was by giving us such similar personalities. In fact, because he is such a momma's boy, we work extra hard for Jeremy and Pax's relationship to be just as close. Because the boy just loves his mommy. And of course, I love him more than I ever knew was possible. Just as I love Holden. And you're probably thinking...of course you love your children equally. But that fear when we first brought Pax home was so real to me. I was scared to say it because it sounded so awful, but it was very real.  And look what God did with that fear. Pretty amazing, in my opinion.
So we can now mark Adoption Orientation off of our checklist! We should be an official waiting family by the end of this week. Our social worker here is still trying to tie up lose ends on our homestudy so that it meets both Oklahoma and Texas requirements. I actually didn't realize until Thursday that it was not yet completed. But I'm not worried or sweating it. I know that each of these details is all part of God's timing and His plan. We are now just one step closer. So we'll wait with joy and anticipation to see God's plan for our family revealed. And I hope my next Adoption Update is news of baby #3!

encouragement.

We are in this stage of waiting. Just the beginnings of it. And honestly, we could be in this stage for a very long time. But I haven't truly believed that would be the case. I can not know for certain what God is going to do this time. But He and I talk a lot. A whole lot. And I sure do ask for Him to reveal pieces of His plan. Sometimes I look for writing in the sky. I'm not joking. He did reveal part of his plan to us with Holden. And I'm honored by Holden's story. That God chose to speak to my often deaf and distracted ears and He grew my faith like never before. So I've been asking for that again. I'm in a very joyful and peaceful place right now. I'm thoroughly enjoying this time as a family of four. And I'm giving great effort to make my little ones feel extra special before a big transition takes place in our home. But I'm also eagerly awaiting, praying for and loving a baby I haven't yet met.
During this little phase, I've received some special encouragement that feels worth mentioning. Jeremy's granny sent us a card in the mail this week, where she inserted this poem she had come across:

Legacy of an Adopted Child

(Author Unknown)

Once there were two women

Who never knew each other.

One you do not remember,

The other you call mother.

Two different lives

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life

And the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave you a seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you up-

It was all that she could do.

The other prayed for a child

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age-old question

Through the years:

Heredity or environment

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling, neither.

Just two different kids of love.



I know this poem does not fit all adoption circumstances. But their were some special lines that really touched me. And it was just an encouragment that granny saw this, thought of us and then did something about it and sent it off in the mail to encourage and love us.

 

Also, in conversation with a sweet friend this week, she reminded me of the prize I have in my husband. Goodness, I tell him crazy things sometimes. Most recently, pertaining to our next child. I pour out my heart and I'm grateful he takes it all in without batting an eye. After 10 years of marriage and the different roads we have traveled together, he listens well when it matters the most, he trusts me often more than I trust myself and he supports and loves in a very natural way. Sometimes so naturally, that I could miss it as an act of love. And I almost did this weekend. We decided that it wouldn't be a bad idea to get down our infant carseat from the attic and have it cleaned up, just in case. So he got it down for me yesterday and then he went to run some errands. I had mentioned to Jeremy that I was going to go through our newborn boxes and pull out some things that could be used no matter the gender of #3. While he was out, I texted him and asked him to pick up some Dreft (baby laundry detergent) if he just happened to go into WalMart. After returning from errands, he laid the bottle of Dreft on the kitchen counter for me. And the thought crossed my mind: He got it. That's sweet. Today I asked what he thought when he received that text. His simple response was, "I just thought you wanted to wash some baby stuff." It seems crazy, people! Why would I be washing baby stuff when there is no end in sight to this wait!? We may not have this baby for a year, or more! And I'm already doing laundry for it! But goodness, he doesn't roll his eyes. He doesn't even question this area when I start prepping for something that I can't really determine or see right now. He just trusts in what I'm feeling and he supports me without questions. And that is a prize of a husband. It's also a huge source of encouragment to me right now.

 

And finally, a certain song has been a HUGE encouragement to me for the past month or more.

I Lift My Hands
Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak
Let faith arise
Let faith arise
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me
So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever

Both Holden and Pax have a special song that I sang to them. God gave me their songs before they ever came home to us. During those middle of the night feedings, when we rocked in the dark, I often sang quietly in their ear. Baby #3 has a song and this one is it! It has already been such an encouragement and has almost felt like a promise from God as we begin our wait.

 

I know that was a doozy of a post. Those are just a few things floating around in my heart right now. I don't ever want to overlook the unique ways that God chooses to love and encourage me. Whether that is through a loving family member or a song on the radio. His words may not ever come clearly written in the sky, but I don't want to take for granted these more subtle gifts. 

Adoption Update

I've been waiting to post an update once I felt like we had made some headway in our process. We definitely moved through our side of the paperwork very quickly. Paperwork, applications, interviews at our home, fingerprinting, background checks. . .we got it all completed in record time. So for a couple of weeks we've just been waiting on the return of most of those things. That part has been out of our control. Definitely the harder part. Just sitting and waiting. I've been saying during this time that we are waiting to be waiting. Meaning: we are waiting to be an actual "waiting family" with our agency. As of last night, our home study was mailed off by our social worker in Texas to our agency in Oklahoma. I believe that once the agency receives a few more reference sheets, we should get a bill and then soon after that payment has been made, we will get notification that we are officially a waiting family. I'm very eager and ready to be in that category. :)
As usual, God has been very close and real during this short amount of time of the process so far. I've said it before, but the adoption process really draws me to Him like nothing else. I can't explain it. It's the thought that my baby is out there in this world. It is probably already growing in the belly of a sweet woman right now. I can not physically see or feel any of it and so there is a large speraration that I sense most of the time. I have no details about my baby right now so it can seem a bit fuzzy and vague. But on the other hand, I just know it's happening and that part feels very real. A huge comfort for me is knowing God sees and knows my sweet little one and this birthmother. His hands are on them both while I can not be anywhere close right now. {There is one God who is father of all, over all, through all and within all. Ephesians 4.6} So He is my only connection to my baby at this time. And honestly, I couldn't ask for more. Nothing tangible for me could be any better than God himself being present with my little one in the same way that He is present with me. And so we talk alot. I go around and around with Him on things that I think maybe he's told me about our future babe. And I doubt myself alot. So honestly, my heart is really torn right now. I'm having a hard time deciphering between God's voice and possibly dreaming up my own desires for our family. I keep asking for confirmation, but I haven't received any yet. Jeremy tells me that if it happens, that's my confirmation. That I did indeed hear from God. So simple. But of course, I want to know now. So I keep talking with Him and asking for some kind of clarity. I think that's where I'm exactly supposed to be: talking to Him constantly and trusting Him with each day ahead. But doesn't He want this from me all the time and not just during this time of need. . .or what sort of feels like a need.  It has already been a good period of growth and learning more about Him. And I hope to know Him even better at the end of this little process.
One thing is for sure. . .these handsome fellas are ready to be big brothers. They are a delightful distraction as we wait for our next. I have MUCH to be thankful for and countless reasons to continue to trust.

Prayers of my 4 year old

Today I suggested to my little boys that we pray for our baby and birth mother. We were already curled up in the chair in the playroom as we had been reading a few books before naptime. Holden eagerly volunteered to pray, as he often does these days. It was a perfect prayer, praying for "whatever baby God wants to give us", praying for his/her safety and health and some other things. And  then he said the words "And God . . . if you want us to wait, we will." Honestly, my first thought was, that must have been part of Jeremy's prayer last night. From Holden's mouth, I often hear some very mature conversations and prayers, that he often has heard from his daddy. I told Holden how sweet and perfect those words to God were. Later I texted Jeremy about it only to surprisingly find out those words were not from him. Not last night. Or anytime. We haven't verbalized that particular submission to God outloud in prayer to the boys. I believe that submission is there. I would tell you right now that I'm willing to wait and I trust God with the timing and creation of my family. But honestly, if you couldn't guess from recent adoption related posts, I've had in my head that this thing was going to happen quickly. Jeremy doesn't necessarily feel that way. But that's where I've been. Maybe just because quick adoptions are familiar to me. So to hear these somewhat profound words from my 4 year old's mouth . . . And God . . . if you want us to wait, we will. 4 year olds aren't supposed pray that way! That's a big thought about a topic he is very unfamiliar with . . . he has no idea about adoption timelines and waits. I mean, for goodness sake, he asked if our social worker was bringing our baby to us on Friday when she came for our visit! So how did these words come from his mouth today!? By the grace of God, if this is any future vision of the prayers that will be coming from his mouth in years to come, it sure makes his last meltdown not so frustrating. :) Yeah, I added a smiley to keep it light, but I'm not really kidding. I HOPE my sister was right in her response to me today. I hope we are showing him how to trust God and that God can most definitely be trusted. I hope that he is already learning that God is in control of EVERTHING. Even these little things, like our wait. Holden humbled me today. God used him to refocus my thought life and my prayers. Our next baby may not even be conceived yet. And that's okay. Because God is in control of every little and big thing and we just have to be willing to wait on it.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

Here we GROW again!!!

Exactly 1 month ago today I blogged here about our desire to to adopt again in the near future. I explained that we were seeking, praying and searching for God's guidance. Little did I know that a few days prior to that post, the adoption tax credit was made permanent for adoptive families. Yay adoption! :) I know that not everyone is excited about tax credits. But I hope you can understand how helpful this one is for families that are passionate about adoption. We are so grateful that this is permanent now. How will Jeremy ever stop me from adding just 1 more to the family! ;) But before this recent change, this was one of the hurdles for us going our familiar route of a domestic agency adoption. So we were seriously praying about and considering other options. Then, just days later, I received a phone call from a dear friend about a need for adoptive families at an agency in the Houston area. Sometimes when people know you are going to adopt, these phone calls just come. And often they don't work out. But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking that was how we received both of our boys. Their stories of how they came to our family are miraculous, but very random when I look at all the details. Neither was "typical" if there even is such a thing. So Jeremy and I both felt we couldn't disregard the Houston opportunity. After a few contacts, we realized none of those babies were going to be ours. There were no tears or regret. I've seen God's goodness in my life too much to doubt Him when a door closes. But through this process, Jeremy and I both realized how eager we were to get this party started. I'll admit that I've been ready for a while. But after this little experience, Jeremy gave me the green light and I've been running full speed ahead ever since. So now we are knee deep in paperwork. After some communication with the agency that Holden was placed through in Oklahoma, we felt complete peace and quickly began moving forward with them. All of our paperwork should be mailed off to them by the end of this week. Jeremy and I are getting finger printed tomorrow...and from what I understand that only takes 10 days to process. This was a surprise to me since Oklahoma takes 6 weeks (or they did back in 2008). Our interviews with our local social worker were supposed to take place next Friday. Today I just found out that she bumped us up to this Friday. Jeremy goes for his physical today. The boys physicals are completed. Apparently, it is supposed to take a 1-2 months to get in to my doctor for a physical. I called this week and they could have gotten me in within 2 days!! Unheard of! Seriously. Since we had the finger printing appointment scheduled the day she offered me the appointment for the physical, I had to schedule it for next Thursday. Thursday is the boys school day and that is definitely not an appointment my little ones should be present for. :) It's all happening very fast. I would say even more quickly than when we zoomed through the process before Holden. How can it even be possible for it to go any faster this time?! I have 2 kids at home and it definitely limits my time much more than it did in 2008. But it is going super fast. Like we may have everything completed, start to finish, in a total of 3 weeks. And that inlcudes almost a full week that we were gone for our vacay, where we did nothing to move us forward in the process. Sure, I'm pushing along the paperwork on our end. But I'm just seeing some unusual things happen and doors swing wide open for us. So it just makes me wonder what God is doing. I am very well aware that we may just breezing through this to wait and wait and wait. I know that could happen. But it just leaves me wondering why the rush. We are excited. So excited! Excited to meet our next little love that will change our lives and our family forever.

As we wait . . .

I have tried to be productive in the last few days, as we are waiting on our bay boy to come home.

1) I prepared 5 LARGE freezer meals last night and have about 3 more to do this evening.
2) I made my little Pax a doctor's appointment with our favorite pediatrician. She loves my Holden and is never offensive like some doctors we know. :)
3) I have washed much of Holden's Newborn and 0-3 month clothing that I think will seasonly work. So then all weekend I had all the freshly washed, teeny-tiny baby clothes stacked in the rocking chair (that is now back in our bedroom). We have absolutely no drawer space in our house right now. We need to go get another dresser/chest for one of the boys. Anyways, while I was cooking last night, sweet Jeremy sacrificed a drawer where his clothes normally go. So when I returned to the bedroom, he had Paxton's clothes neatly tucked in his spare dresser drawer.
4) For the last 4 nights I have cuddled with a little baby blanket. And we are headed back to our adoption agency today to hand over the blanket. They are going to deliver it to Paxton so that maybe, just maybe, my smell will be somewhat familiar to him when we meet on Monday. And then we can let the bonding begin.

We are so excited! Each day brings us one day closer!

The Letter

We returned home from work yesterday with an envelope in our mailbox from our adoption agency. I assumed it was a request for some sort of payment. We tend to get those often. And it was . . . BUT it also included a letter. Basically the letter said our home study has been completed and we have been approved for adoption. So now we know that my fingerprints have come through and we are cleared. We hugged and kissed and I got all teary-eyed . . . again. This means we are officially in the pool of waiting families. So it could be any day . . . literally. It’s a wonderful feeling to be finished with our portion and we can just wait on God to bring us our child.

So last night, after a celebration dinner at Alfredo’s, we put together the nursery. The furniture just happened to come in this week (good timing!) and we haven’t had time to work on it. So as of last night, the nursery is somewhat ready. I will post pictures later this weekend.

God is good all the time!

Oh that title makes me think of the song. And I do love that song! I honestly know this to be true. I mean, I know it deep within me. And sometimes it’s a hard truth for me to swallow. And then there are other times, when it is the only thing that can give me peace.

During months and months of infertility, I might have been a little bit of a basketcase. You can check with Jeremy on that one. Some days feeling so optimistic that God was in control and not me and not doctors. At times that was a huge source of encouragement. Then there were other days that I couldn’t figure out where I was or how to pray. I think I still struggle sometimes with how to pray. I want to walk so closely with Him, that the Holy Spirit directs me in how to pray. That I am not always just asking for my own desires or sending a generic prayer up such as, “let your will be done.” But that I am connecting with the Holy Spirit to pray for the things that He is laying on my heart. Jeremy and I have both been very convicted to pray for specifics and really seek God’s guidance in what our requests should be. It’s gets hairy and complicated sometimes, due to our humanness.

Sorry, I am getting way off subject here. I was really going to share the newest with us and this adoption stuff. So yesterday, I get off of work and turn on my cell and have a voicemail. It is from our social worker. The message sounds something like, “Melodie, I need to speak with you about your fingerprints . . . if you could give me a call back . . .” Well, she had already left the office when I returned the call and I was just going to have to sit overnight with that message . . .wondering what the deal was. So obviously, I knew there was an issue. Jeremy had not received a call, and so we assumed his fingerprints had come back fine. And I knew it wasn’t a problem with my background . . . unless of course someone found a way to steal my fingerprints. Which I think, I was almost hoping for last night. It seemed to be a better option than the alternative – flawed prints, which would mean another 6-8 weeks of waiting. We began praying for anything BUT flawed prints. And Jeremy specifically prayed for something that would not delay this process any further. We were completely praying for our own desires. We weren’t really sure how to pray, except in this way.

You see, this adoption process has gone quicker than I ever expected. I have just had this feeling that it has been happening quickly because there is a baby right around the corner for us. So when we received this voicemail last night, I have to say that I was discouraged. Still praying and trying to be hopeful, but definitely feeling a bit of defeat. Well, this morning I spoke with the social worker. She said that my prints had come back flawed BUT, OSBI would redo them at their office and rush them through the system. So the results should be back to the agency in 1 week. Wow! A huge sigh of relief. I even sigh again, as I type this. I am going today to have the fingerprints redone.

So back to the thought - God is good all the time. I think when things are going well, it is so easy to believe it. And then maybe you question when things aren’t just right. But I also know the sweetest times with my Jesus are when things have been hard. Those are the times when my need for him is greater than any ability or control on my part. The past year and a half He has taken us down a winding road that we didn’t plan to explore at this point in life. And it has been a sweet time of growth, stretching and learning to trust. And you know, I couldn’t have chosen a better road for myself. God is good all the time. I know it. I believe it. I will cling to it no matter what!