One year ago today . . .

It was the last day of the month of April. Months earlier, I thought I had heard God tell me that our baby would be born in April. And as the month started coming to an end, friends told me that maybe April meant something different. One even mentioned that maybe April was the month of conception of my child. This wasn’t comforting to me, as I was not really wanting to wait another 9 months. But I held tightly onto that promise . . . until May 1st. Then I felt it was safe to assume that I must have misunderstood God.

I always had my cell phone turned off at work. But not on the last day of April. I had it on vibrate, right next to me. I was completely ready for our social worker to call us on this day with the news of a last minute baby. But that call never came. After work I rushed home to check the answering machine, only to find no messages. That night I was on my knees in front of our black chair doing a little praying, a little crying and telling God, once again, that I trusted Him. But had I misunderstood Him? I had been so confident. I had shared my heart with close friends and family and asked them to pray with us for the month of April. That month had been so heavy on my heart and Jeremy and I saw clear signs of God confirming it to us. I was so ready to see God at work and see our prayers answered. So as the clock ticked and it became May 1st, I was deeply confused and a little sad. But deeply wanting to trust Him no matter the circumstance.

And so some of you already know the details of this story. Holden was born on May 1st but he was running a little behind schedule. He was due at the end of April. It would be another week before we even met Holden and were able to begin putting the puzzle pieces together. But during the months of February, March and April, God drew me to himself like never before. And I had a sweet time of fellowship with Him that I will always remember. And so this story goes into our little book as one more piece of evidence of God’s work in our lives. I love the times that we can reflect back and clearly see his hand in our puzzle. We couldn’t see it then, but it is so clear now.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:2-6