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Thursday, September 3, 2009

12 idiotic things my doctor (and his med-school assistant) said to me today . . .

After, reviewing the list, I only have 5. But it felt like 12!

1) Not very many people want to adopt American babies these days. They all want to go and get babies from Africa and China.
2) In Africa, the babies actually have parents. Those parents just want rich Americans to raise their children.
3) When commenting on open adoption: Yeah, the birth parents can come back in a couple of years and get the child back if they want.
4) Do you know his (Holden’s) parents? This one was from the young med student. And I know she meant birth parents. But I still took the opportunity to educate her. Come on people. Use your noggin!
5) He asked about the cost of adoption then said something like: if you go through an attorney it can cost up to $40k. (From what I understand, it’s actually LESS expensive through an attorney only.)

It amazes me sometimes how there are types of people that think your personal life is their business. I think he’s just a nosey guy lacking in the area of social skills. But FYI, we are NEVER going back there! The time before that I strolled in with Holden, the doctor’s comment was “Well, you’re doing better than Madonna.” WHAT?! Tactfulness 101 – they should really add this to the basic prerequisites for a bachelor’s degree. That might eliminate some of the idiotic comments/questions.

17 comments:

The Swifts said...

OH MY GOSH. i'm sorry you had to put up with that; i can't believe a "professional" would say those things. it's amazing that people can become drs, therapists, nurses, etc. without common sense and people skills! the other day my dr. tried to tell me i was depressed bc i was tired...i think it's called having a toddler.

jaja008 said...

This reminds me of the lovely things people say about infertility. TOTAL ignorance!!!! People have no clue what they are speaking about.

Molly said...

Most private attn adoption are actually more expensive. And they often charge 40K or more. Things that I have learned going to the adoption task force meeting!

So sorry about this stuff. You are so good at handling it because as I think I have told you before, I give people way too much credit and just assume they are talking about bparents and never even address their words. I need to be better at that. Wonder why this happened all of the sudden? Was it the med-student that caused it all to surface? It's just weird to me the timing, ya know?

Our pediatrician asked me a ton of questions one day, but he did it so respectfully and he made sure the boys were in another room and couldn't hear his questions. I thought it was very sensitive. He really was just interested in the process. You know how you can tell the difference when someone is just asking to ask or when they truly are being respectful and are interested in adoption?

Um, I am dying to hear from you. Call or email me if you need to. Thanks for Sadie's birthday wishes!

The Skains Family said...

Wow! You definitely need to find a new doctor. I can't believe they would actually say that to you. They need to practice their people skills. You should write them a letter and tell them why you are switching drs.

kh123 said...

I would have to bite my tongue to hold the sarcasm "yes, I know his parents REALLY REALLY well, in fact I sleep with his dad often."

Daysha said...

WHAT?? I'm shocked. Wow. Sorry friend.

Bonky's Mom said...

WOW. Yep...time for a new doctor. Not cool at all.

Bonky's Mom said...

PS: Maybe some private adoptions are expensive if you have agreed to pay birth parent expenses and it is legal in the state you're in...but there are plenty of private adoptions that have reasonable fees...just attorney and homestudy, etc...those fees can add up if you have to hunt down birth parents, fight over custody in court if you have to terminate involuntarily in court...but it can often be a less costly way to do it.

everyday graces said...

Poor bedside manner = bad doctor! I can't even believe this. And to think he's mentoring med students! So sorry about your visit but I'm sure you handled it with grace and poise.

Laura said...

Didn't know there were people (doctors!) who were that dumb out there. I'm speechless.

The Myers said...

Good grief! How rude of him. Yea, I don't blame you one bit. I wouldn't go back either. So sorry you had to deal with those inappropriate questions. I'm sure you handled them great.

Jess said...

It's incredible that there are people with so little tact in that kind of profession. I am so sorry you had to deal with this.

bsjones7 said...

Wow! Okay you habdled that much better than I would have. A couple of questions is one thing but that many and without any tact at all is another! Well I hope you guys are doing good, I was disappointed we couldn't make it the other day. Hopefully we will this month!

HaleyP said...

seriously!! I had to get Brian to come in to read these! Amazing what people will say!!

Amanda said...

I wish there was some type of education that all people had to take on adoption etiquette. But, there's not. Until there is, we will just have to keep kindly educating people on behalf of our children.

Love you. Sorry you had a rough appt., but it sounds like your day got a little better. ;)

Phyllis said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with stupidity~!! Until you walk in our shoes they just don't understand. It's none of their business-find another dr. and quick!!
think I answered the question but I did just talk to Meme!!LOL

6p00d8345213ac69e2 said...

WOW! From medical professionals at that! YOu would think they would be required to be educated on adoption and the like! WOW!
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