a sweet moment.

I had a sweet moment today in the car with my boys. As I was buckling them into their seats, Holden requested we play the CD Warren got me. It's really Lauren, but I like that when he says it, it sounds more like a boy named Warren. You might remember that my friend came bearing gifts on my birthday. And you might remember me raving about this song almost a year ago. Go now and listen to it if you haven't or need a refresher. Well, the CD she gifted me was Blessings. So earlier this week I moved this CD out to our car. And today Holden requested it for our drive to school. We were listening to the CD from the beginning when he sweetly requested that we listen to "our song". :) So I quickly jumped forward to #5. I could listen to this song over and over and over again. And honestly, I'm listening to it as I type this now. So we were all singing along. Holden knows most all of the words now and Pax knows about half. And as I peeked at my boys through the rearview mirror and watched their lips form words and thoughts that they really can't comprehend. . .but words that feel like they were written for me. . .for us. . .for our family. It got to me. And then as I was digesting these thoughts with a tight throat, I heard that same sweet voice ask me why I had stopped singing. I could hardly even speak to answer him, much less sing. So for the umpteenth time I had to attempt explaining happy tears to a 2 and {almost} 4 year old.

I consider it one of the miracles in my life, that I was able to struggle and pray for something and have God tell me no. That he had another plan for me that was so good. It's a miracle in my book because it completely altered my faith, for the better. I know it wasn't the first time God told me no on something. But maybe the first time he told me no to a pure request. I was asking for something that wasn't wrong or selfish and that ultimately, I figured he would deliver. . .eventually. But he said no over and over again. And for the past {almost} 4 years I've been able to live with so much clarity on his answer. And a heart so full of thankfulness that he told me no. I know most people won't ever truly understand that about me ~ that God completely changed my heart and desires with his great plan. But he did. And that's probably just another miracle to add to my list.