Now he's 4.

Today this handome fella turns 4. It's hard to believe that 4 years ago today I didn't know my child was on this earth yet. I was just waiting. Don't worry I'm not going to repeat our story for the fourth year in a row. But I have to say, I think about it constantly. Not just on his birthday. And I tell him about it often. How he was sought after, prayed and wished for and wanted so so so much by his daddy and I. And I think that maybe he's starting to get it.
Last night I was scurrying around trying to find the few pictures that I have of K that our social worker took of her at the hospital. God knew I needed to find them to share with Holden. And I did find them. Jeremy and I sat together late last night and looked at those photos. Those moments we only have captured by photos because it was before we ever knew he existed. It's hard to believe there was a short period in his life where we weren't included. There is a special picture of K holding her newborn baby as she wears a huge smile on her face. We both just stared at that one in silence and couldn't move on from it. And as we began to talk to one another, we were wondering the same things. Is that beautiful smile for real? How was she feeling in this particular moment? One of the only times she would ever hold this boy. How is she now? Does she remember the significance of May 1st? I wish I could tell her how much I think about her. How much I love her so deeply. . .this woman I've never met. How much I respect each and every decision she has made concerning our son. I have to. I can't fully understand her side of this adoption. But also, how much I wish she could know Holden. How she could see his fun and passionate personality. How she could see his beautiful face. How she could know the way God used her to change our faith, create our family and give us a new vision and passion. I hope we can meet her one day and share some of these thoughts. I read something a few years ago that said adoptees think of their birth families each and every day. At the time, I questioned it and honestly didn't see how that was really possible. Four years later, I believe it. The reason being is that I think of K and M close to every day. If my mind is always thinking of those 2 ladies, I have to believe my boys will daily be thinking of them also as they grow and understand more.

What can I tell you about Holden at the ripe old age of 4!? I've mentioned he's passionate. Oh-so-passionate. I can love it and hate it all in the same day. He truly soaks in whatever it is that he's doing, which is fun for us to watch. It can be having fun in the bathtub, eating a bowl of icecream, playing with his cars, enjoying the park or running circles around the couch with daddy. He's focussed on the task at hand and is 100% in the moment and loving it. But sometimes he gets a little bent out of shape when the said event is over. This has been the case since he was around 12 months old. Luckily it has improved as he has gotten older. But it's amazing how those little pieces of personality can come out so early and for the most part STICK. Blows my mind!

He loves to learn and do crafts at the kitchen table.

He loves to play outside in the dirt but doesn't like it when food is on his hands or face.

He's a speedy runner.

He is still obsessed with most anything on wheels: cars, trucks, contruction vehicles, motorcycles, bikes. And those things are normally his first choice when playing with toys.

He loves to be read to and now has many of our children's books memorized. I think we will soon start our first chapter book. Maybe 1 chapter a night before bed. He really enjoys the longer storybooks we have. He's over the board books that are one sentence per page. But he will sit with me for an hour while we read. It's one of our calming activities. When it's getting too crazy at this house, I quickly run to the book shelves. :)

He loves his brother Pax. They normally play really good together. Though they are brothers, so at times they fight and boss each other around. But Holden is begging for the day that he and Pax share a room.

He's a really social boy. He loves to be around other people - kids his age, big kids and adults. He loves when we have company at our house and he attempts to be the center of attention.

His teachers at school love him. They tell me that he is their biggest helper. I'm told that he uses his manners and is sweet addition to the classroom. They've also told me they wish he came both days (since we only attend one day per week). I love that they sincerely enjoy his presence!

He loves my cuddles and affection and his daddy's rough and boyish playtime.

He loves music and singing along.

He loves to be active and run around.

He loves to be outside.
He still loves to play in the water more than anything! Just seeing a fountain somewhere captivates his attention.
He's a really great eater but anything including sugar is his absolute favorite.
His smile can light up the room. And his sweet giggle is truly contagious.

And that, in a nutshell, is all about our 4 year old. He is a blessing and we will forever be grateful!