Just some thoughts

Just recently a thought came into my head that hasn’t been there in a while. I was thinking how it might have been fun to be pregnant last year and walk through pregnancy with a certain friend. A special someone that was enjoying the same experience. Well, I can’t say “enjoying” because if I remember correctly, she vomited at least twice a day until her 3rd trimester. Jeremy, I, she and her husband went out for steaks one night when she was feeling better. She didn’t make it out of the parking lot after enjoying a delicious dinner. She opened the truck door and planted that meal in the gravel. Poor girl! But when that thought came into my head . . . just about how that would have been fun to go through it all together, I quickly realized that I wouldn’t be here, at this place right now. And this is truly where I want to be!! I wouldn’t be waiting with anticipation for that infamous phone call where we are told that we have been chosen. And then with that thought, there came another one . . . as quickly as we get that anticipated phone call, that moment will be gone forever at the same hurried speed. That initial moment of pure excitement and delight will be over . . . not to be relived with this child. Oh does this even make sense to anyone else? Maybe it could be compared to seeing the positive pregnancy test or hearing your baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Perhaps, a moment and a feeling deep inside that you wish you could bottle up and hold onto forever. Those moments that put a lump in your throat that you can’t swallow away. We’re not there yet – to that moment. We’re in the wait. But there is something very special about this wait. Maybe just the spontaneity of knowing I could be a mother tomorrow. Or knowing that our baby is (most likely) growing and thriving in some brave woman’s womb right now! I just want to absorb it all and breathe it all in . . . the hope and eagerness of what is to come. The waiting isn’t necessarily fun and my desire for our baby grows stronger each day. But I fear that in trying to rush the wait, those dear moments might possibly slip through my fingers and I might miss something terribly important. And now I’ve got that lump in my throat that I can’t seem to swallow away.