remembering the miracle.

Today is a significant day in my memory. I've written about this the past 2 years. Here and here. It's a day that I always want to remember. It was this evening 3 years ago where I kind of lost hope in something God had promised us. I thought He told me our baby would arrive in April. So on this night when our nursery was prepared but still empty, I was on my knees with my face buried into a chair crying out to God in confusion. But more than anything deeply desiring to trust His plan but also wanting a little glimpse of what it was. So as I cried my little eyes out, my little boy was on his way into this world. As I was crushed and devastated that we were still waiting for a child, my son was preparing to make his entrance! Holden was born May 1st, a few days late of his original due date. He is one of our miracles! I love that God's fingerprints are all over his story. And I love sharing bits and pieces with him.

On Thursday Holden and I were talking about his birthday. And I was explaining to him that before he was born mommy and daddy really wanted a baby. The more I shared, my eyes filled to the brim with tears. He became concerned about the tears, which was sweet. But then I was explaining that God gave us a "present" (trying to speak in 3 year old terms) and that present was baby Holden. I showed him pictures of when we first saw him and he was able to see a picture of Jeremy with a HUGE grin on his face as he looked at his son. I could see the delight in Holden as he began to understand how much we delighted in him. He later reminded me that I had cried earlier. Then he sweetly asked "Mommy, do you want a baby?" Okay, so maybe he didn't get it all. And if you're wondering, my answer to his question was, "NO! I mean, not right now." :)

It's been a good week of remembering. I've had some good conversations lately with a sweet friend that desires a baby herself. It's humbling for me to look back and remember the pain. I have a journal full of those thoughts and feelings. And I'll say it a million times, but I'm grateful for infertility. I'm grateful God brought us down a different road. I'm grateful He has wound 4 hearts so tightly together that adoption versus biological mean nothing to us all. And I wouldn't choose anything differently! I'm grateful that God has a perfect plan and sometimes for us to see it, we have to let go of what we think that plan should look like. And I'm grateful how God speaks to us even in the darkest times. And then He shows up, not a single day late, and slaps us with a beautiful miracle. Just as he had promised us months ago. Here is one of our beautiful miracles.
Tomorrow Holden will be 3 years old! We've spent the past 2 days celebrating and we have 1 more to go! Many more pictures and posts to come.

my little fish.

Holden has been obsessed with the water since his 2nd summer when he could really get in and enjoy it. It truly became an obsession at an early age. If you've been reading from the beginning, you might remember this. Any time water is present, Holden sees it as an opportunity to play, splash or just watch in amazement. If I'm washing my face or brushing my teeth, it's an opportunity. Or when he's brushing his teeth. Or if I'm filling a sippy cup. He's fascinated! It's weird that this fascination is NOT wearing off AT ALL. But at the same time, I do love his excitement over simple things like water (and light switches :) ). So all of that to say, today he began swim lessons.

Mid-summer of last year, we bought passes to a nearby water park. We've already purchased the passes for this year. I have a feeling it's going to be a little more complicated with 2 busy boys. Instead of last year, when Pax was still very much dependent upon me to get anywhere. But there will be lots of extra mommas and lots of extra hands to help out. We are really excited for the time to arrive. But in the meantime, maybe Holden can learn some basic skills. I'm not counting on him to know how to swim on his own after eight 30 minute lessons. Especially after watching today. Honestly, I just wanted to do something fun for him. And since he has no fear of the water, maybe some lessons will help prepare him for our summer fun.

Well, fun was had by Holden today. But maybe not for his sweet teacher, Miss Jennifer. Wowsers! He was like a loose cannon in that swimming pool today. I should have known. He turned into a wild man as soon as he got in. And Miss Jennifer took the 3 little ones so far away that I would've had to jump in the water to get to him. So he was completely in her hands and I couldn't do anything about his wild side. He wouldn't have been able to hear me unless I had a megaphone. So I sat back and just kind of laughed about it. Not much else I could do, right? She was having them all take turns doing different activities. Once when it wasn't his turn, I heard him exclaim "Hey!!!!". Then he chunked her water toys into the pool. And then he started laughing like a little toot. Oooops! It makes me laugh thinking about it now. And I know you might be thinking, this isn't funny. It's bad behavior. And if you're thinking that, then you're kind of right. He did show some not so great behavior. But it was actually really funny. Don't worry, he was so far away that he couldn't see me laughing. He was just HYPER! Not being too terrible, just full of energy and enjoying the pool. But not being completely obedient to his teacher when all eyes and hands were not on him. He just wanted to do his own thing and play. He tried to jump in when she was working with a little girl in his class (no worries. It was shallow water). He tried to get out and run away from her at one point. Let's just say, he kept Miss Jennifer on her toes. A lady from my church was sitting next to me and assured me that he probably isn't the first. She also tried to console me by saying "at least he isn't afraid." Yeah, he's the extreme opposite of afraid. So the 30 minute lesson was quite entertaining. I apologized to the teacher once they were done. She was super sweet and told me he was fine. She also told me how he already knew how to paddle his arms, kick his legs and blow bubbles and that he did really well with the swimming part. Yeah, this x-swim teacher turned mommy has been working with him. He knows what to do, but I doubt he can survive in the water just yet. But with his feistiness and coordination, he could surprise me. :) So it was all fun and games until he wouldn't get out of the pool. I had to hike up my jeans and wade through the shallow water and retrieve a kicking and screaming child. 2/3 of his class had a meltdown when the lesson was over. (His class is only 3 kiddos.) But yes, that still makes me feel better. :) Okay that was alot of words for day 1 of swim lessons. I took some horrible pics with my tiny camera. I'm going to post them anyways. But Thursday I'll take the big camera with the zoom lens and get some good ones.

Waiting on his teacher to arrive.

So excited to begin! This one is incredibly blurry because he was moving around so fast. He couldn't wait to get in the water! See? It makes him hyper!

In the picture below, his 2 little, calm, girl classmates are sitting on the right side in front of the teacher. Holden is the one splashing like a maniac. Ah, Thursday should be a HOOT! We'll have to review some of those rules that I went over 5 minutes before he got in the water today. It still makes me laugh though. :)

Happy Easter!

We had a great Easter Sunday. It was worshipful, joyful and fun. I left church this morning with my mind set on He is alive and I'm forgiven. I love that certain holidays really make us stop and ponder time periods of Jesus life. Thoughts that might otherwise pass me by, because I've heard and read them my entire life. Obviously Easter really gives us time to think about Jesus' death and resurrection and what that means for us. Worship was a sweet, sweet time at church, which is nothing unusual. We went home for a quick lunch and then put the boys down for a nap. We had to wake them a little before 4pm so we could head to my sisters house for the evening. The little boys all hunted Easter eggs and my parents were there to join us for the fun. We had a great dinner and lots of good family time. I LOVE family time! And here are several pictures from our day:
I think these are some of the most handsome little boys in the whole wide world! This picture melts my heart. :)
This was taken right before we left for church. Are you wondering how in the world we got a picture with 4 smiling faces without an extra set of hands to snap the picture and act goofy for the boys? I'll let you in on our secret. All credit goes to Jeremy.
And the start of the egg hunt at my sister's house.
Pax, Holden, Carson and Cameron.

To top the night off for mister Holden, he got to open an early birthday gift from Uncle Dan, Aunt Amy, Carson and Cameron since they won't be able to make it to the party this time.He got the game Elefun and a new playdough toy. He loves playdough! I know that this year he is going to LOVE opening presents. He definitely knows what to do these days. I can't believe that my little boy will be 3 years old one week from today! Crazy how time flies.

Happy Easter friends! I hope your heart is full with the realization of all Christ has done for you. We're white as snow because of Him! And that should be celebrated everyday!

Easter Activities

This morning was a fun one as we did some egg activities at our house. We started with a practice egg hunt. The boys loved it! I thought since they would be hunting eggs with their older and more experienced cousins, then they needed a little practice. It went well. Pax was happy and content with just 1 egg. Holden wanted lots of help in finding the hiding eggs. He asked lots of questions instead of just looking for them. It made me laugh.
Next we made some EASTER EGGS! Such fun! Last year I did this with just Holden during Pax's nap. But I knew they would both be participating this year. And I figured it would get super messy. Jeremy suggested me doing it outside. :) But I opted for the floor of the kitchen and we all stayed pretty clean with some set rules (like no splashing in the dye). If Pax looks teary in any pictures, it's because he didn't like my rules and he didn't want to take turns with Holden. He had a little bit of a harder time with it but ended up having alot of fun. Here they show you their before eggs.
And into the color bath they go.
Then we had to wait a LONG 5 minutes. So we had a snack and sang Jesus Loves Me several times. And after the eggs were dry, the boys applied the silly face stickers. This was a kit. Ashamed to say I probably wouldn't have thought this up on my own. By I sure will next year!And the end result: a dozen colorful, funny-faced eggs!
And 2 happy little boys!
And, with our thoughts turned to Jesus and our hearts reflecting more on the cross during this weekend, I'll share one of my favorite scriptures.
“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 1:18

green thumb?

Last summer our family took a pretty big turn in the way we eat. It's been a process and one that I'm still growing into. I wrote a little bit about it here. But in the middle of last summer, I suddenly wanted my own garden since my eyes were opened about the produce my family had been consuming. I'm not overreacting and saying it's going to kill us. But if I grow it myself, then I know exactly what we are getting. Well, we definitely don't have room for a garden in the backyard. Especially with the little project we have going on right now. More on that next week when it's all completed. (SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!) But I did spend a few dollars on organic potting soil and a few plants that are staples in my fridge. So I'm trying out my green thumb to see if I can be a full-time farmer right in my own backyard. :) So here we have 2 cucumber plants and 2 tomato plants. I would love some sort of fruit tree, a strawberry plant and some herbs. But it's baby steps for now. So this is what I'm beginning with this spring. Once these veggies start growing, I'll easily have my ingredients for this delicious salad!

a carnival.

Our church does some amazing things in the local community and also around the world. They have an incredible ministry for families with special needs children. Each spring, the church hosts a carnival to fundraise for that particular ministry. This weekend was the carnival. So tonight our cell group (plus our friends Noe and Lauren) met up at Fuzzy's Tacos (YUM!), ate dinner and then headed to the carnival. The kids got to ride their little hearts out on so many fun kiddie rides. We didn't know how Holden would do with it all. He's not the bravest little guy in the world. But once he saw some cars that he could "drive" he was sucked in. He absolutely loved the carnival! And Pax did too! Too bad mister Pax was a few inches too short to participate in many of the rides. He's probably the braver of the two boys in some ways. But Pax was a good sport and would watch the bigger kids. He was perfectly content in Lauren's arms much of the evening. Here are a few pictures from our super fun evening. I love this first picture of Holden and Isabella. It looks like they're on a little date and he's showing off for her on his 4-wheeler. :) Holden LOVED this huge slide, which completely shocked me. I was afraid he might freak out once he got to the top and realized how high it really was. He was too short to ride alone, so he rode with Jeremy. Then I decided that Pax wanted a turn. So on round 2, Pax rode with Jeremy and Holden rode with Noe. If you click on the picture below, you'll see that Pax's face looks terrified. (Honestly, I make that face too when I go down huge hills on roller coasters. You should see the camera shots of me on a big roller coaster. Not pretty! Even though I love to ride them, this terrified face always pops out. It's uncontrollable. I promise.) And you'll also notice the big boys are laughing in the picture. This is because Noe cheated so that he and Holden could win. :) I'm not sure why I didn't think to get a cell group photo! It was a fun night with friends. And the boys had a ball!

Holden's disposition.

Yesterday when I picked Holden up from school we went through our normal routine. I made it from the church back out to the car with 2 little boys, a napmat, a backpack, a lunchbox and crafts. After getting us all in the car, I took a look at Holden's sheet that tells me how his day went. It looked normal. Like it does every week. Except a teacher had added one special, little word: "sweet". Check it out. I've had a rough week or so with Holden so seeing this truly delighted me. Jeremy has always said that he'd rather our kids act out for us than a teacher/babysitter/or someone else in charge. And he's right. I do feel the same way, though I kind of wish Holden would see I need a little break with the attitude and fits. :) Anyways, because of this note, I began praising him and telling him what they had written. I did this as I made my way to Sonic for a special treat. I gave him the option of icecream or tator tots. Guess what he chose. I'm so proud of this boy! It's a blessing that I never have to wonder what his behavior will be like when I'm not around. At school he is consistently marked as: friendly, chatty, cooperative and happy. And we've yet to get a complaint from anyone else (thus far). I realize that it could happen one of these days. But for now, he's only showing his mommy and daddy the other side of his behavior. And for that I'm grateful. His teachers are right. He's an incredibly sweet boy and I'm SO blessed to be his mommy.

golfer.

We've known for some time that Pax wants to be a golfer. :) Anytime we are in the backyard, he normally has a plastic golf club in his hand. And as much as I want to have a Hawaiian Luau birthday party, come August, his passion for golf may send me in a completely different direction. (And yes, I am already thinking about his birthday party many months away!) So here is a picture of our little boy playing his favorite (and his daddy's favorite) sport. And so, when I spotted this little outfit, how could I say no?? How?

Hats!

Pax love hats! Daily he request for them to be put on his head. From my nephew's and Holden's hand-me-downs, he has ALOT of hats. And he loves to wear them. He'll also wear mine or Jeremy's if he can get his hands on them. And sometimes he cries if he doesn't get his way. Like if I don't allow him to nap with the hat on his head. It's kind of funny. He might be obssessed with them. Thankfully, he looks pretty darn cute in them either way!

recent mornings . . .

Lately, Jeremy has been sleeping in a bit. Which means the boys get to see him when they wake up. In fact, they have become his new little alarm clocks. And I have to admit that it's nice to start the day as family. All of us together. Though, if it were up to me, I'd much rather have him home earlier. So when he leaves our house every morning, Holden and Pax have to stop eating breakfast, to give hugs, kisses and then wait at the window and wave as his truck drives away. Pretty much every single morning this is what I watch as a half eaten breakfast waits patiently for them in the kitchen. They adore their daddy.