the perfect mom.

A friend reminded me this week that there is no perfect mom. No perfect children. No perfect family. I hope I never paint a false picture here on the blog. Believe me when I say this...I don't have my act together. I have two main purposes for this blog. One is to show my kids their lives and our family in writing and photographs. And we regularly sit together with a computer in our lap and I read them stories of the past 5 years that I've documented here. The other is to be a place that their sweet birth mothers can stop in anytime when they want to see that face that they love so much. And they can catch up on our family events. I originally created this space for those ladies. We don't use facebook or any other social media. But the blog is one that I don't want to give up. I love it for our family. But I think our birth mothers appreciate it also. That being said, I never want to use this space as a way to document the not so fun parts of family life. I mean, I think I've hinted around enough here that my job has been hard at times. I sure did document the great flushing of the rubber ducky, which was a terrible day when it happened. But I read it now and laugh my head off. And we tell Holden what a little stinker he was when he was 2 and 3 and 4. :) And the time I tried to take two babies shopping at Hobby Lobby for home decor. That catastrophic event made it here. But I just never want to focus on the discipline and correction that takes place daily. This is our space to celebrate and focus on the wonderful parts of raising our boys and being a family.

So I don't have it all together. If you've spent any time around my family, you already know this to be true. In fact, you might get in your car after seeing us and think, "Whoa. That was chaotic. And loud." I'm normally late everywhere I go. I lose my temper with my sweet boys. I forget to respond to texts and emails. I forget my purse and end up at the grocery store parking lot with no money. Jeans and a hoodie make me feel dressed up on most days. I can come up with a great discipline measure 5 hours too late when I've had more time to process. But sometimes I'm not great in the moment that I need to be. I can't seem to simultaneously be a good, listening friend and a good intentional mom in the same moment. Someone is going to lose there. And since mom is my constant role and time with friends is rare, my kids are the losers in those moments. Though they might feel like the winners because I let some things slide. Call me inconsistent. I call it picking my battles. I think that I'm okay with that. I think...but I have those insecure moments. They rise up when I see a mom that's doing it all and doing it really well. And later as I process, I think, I suck. But then a dear friend reminds me that I don't. That I'm a good mommy, despite my mistakes or not following the strategies of the latest parenting book. She reminds me that I have a very limited view of the world around me. All I can really do is be present in my family. I can love my boys well...and I'm 100% certain that is consistent in our home. I can turn off my imagination that leads me to believe that other's lives are perfect and joyous all the time...even if it appears that way from the outside looking in. And I can pray my guts out that for another day God will fill me with his fruits: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. That has been my prayer for several years before my feet ever hit the floor. And when I screw up, because by now I know that's inevitable, His grace will wash me clean again. Again and again. In the end, those are the things that will matter. That I tried, goofed up, repented and pressed on towards Him and the great task He has given me. Far from perfect over here but walking in a whole lot of grace. I'm thankful for that.