He's not that big!

From the time Holden became a big brother, at a whopping 16 months old, I considered him my big boy. And I know I set my expectations too high for his young age. Silly me. He was a baby! I've talked to countless friends about this. We do this to our first born. We often have these unrealistic expectations for them. Then the second child comes around and we've loosened up a little. And by the third, well they can get away with a whole lot because we think well, he IS only two! So back to Holden, I wish I could start all over with that kid. Erase all those expectations that were so above his head. But I often still think of him as my big boy. And the fact that his 6 year old legs are outgrowing his size 8 jeans don't help the fact that he looks older than he is...to me and to everyone else that notices him. But lately there have been these moments that remind me of the little boy that he still is. The innocence, that thankfully, is still very much intact. These little moments have been precious ones for me and good reminders of how little my "big boy" really is.

~This week, just he and I were driving in the car and he said "Mommy, look at all those birdies!" Birdies. Not birds. But birdies. It was pretty cute.
~This past Wednesday night at church, the boys had fake money to spend. It was shop night. He had asked me earlier in the day if he could buy some silly spray at shop night. I told him of course he could! So he came home with a can of silly spray (that was gone in 60 seconds and cost him 10 fake dollars) and this "adorable little puppy" (that only cost him 1 fake dollar). The value of those things sounded so odd to me, but whatever. My point is he chose a stuffed animal. I think some other children in his class were getting stuffed animals too. But my gadget/toy loving boy chose a stuffed animal. A puppy that I catch him snuggling daily. So it makes me think, he's still so little.

~On one of Holden and I's errands this week, we went into Cracker Barrel to check out the store. I love that little store and have to at least make one stop every year during this season. I had mentioned to Holden that Cracker Barrel always has lots of sock monkeys. So on this day, he carried his sock monkey into the store and toted it around like it was his baby as we shopped. And honestly, that little sock monkey is his baby.
~Anytime I turn on Daniel Tiger for Abe to watch, Holden comes flying into the room to watch also. He says it is a baby show, but he secretly loves it and has his eyes glued to the show the entire time.

~And last weekend as we drove through our church's live display of the life of Jesus...he sat with his friends on the hayride like a brave, big boy. We had told the boys, that the men playing Jesus towards the end would get beaten and die on the cross just like Jesus did. We explained that what we would watch was pretend and that no one was hurt, They were acting. As soon as we stepped off the hayride, he was headed for the car. He wanted to get away from his friends and to be in the safety of his family where he could freely ask questions and discuss what he just witnessed. He asked a lot of questions. And I could tell he was unsettled for the remainder of the night. And then around 10pm once he had been asleep for a couple of hours, he came flying down the stairs, still half asleep, due to a nightmare. He slept between us that night. The life of Jesus had shaken him up a bit. He's still a little boy. I need these reminders often that my big boy is not really that big at all.