Mother's Day Out 2014

We have begun another year of Mother's Day Out one day a week. Holden is obviously now too old for the program. So Pax and Abe are attending this year. I honestly never intended to do it this year. I had this grand plan to have one of our favorite sitters come over one day a week for 4 hours. Those 4 hours would be my chance to run errands, get groceries and just get out of the house alone. It all fell through last week. I was disappointed. I'm not going to lie. But the MDO program had someone drop out of the oldest class at the last minute. So Pax and Abe had a spot on the same day. And because I believe all things are happening for a purpose, I know that means that maybe Holden could use some one on one with mommy. So we are going to accept that blessing with open arms. And he will have to endure grocery shopping each week among other things that may not be fun to a 6 year old. :) The day before MDO, Pax realized he would be attending this year without Holden and he got very teary. He said, "But I will miss Holden." I reminded him that he would need to watch out for Abe. That it was his turn to be the big brother away from home. That seemed to make him feel better. It gave him importance and he accepted that well. Though 15 minutes after we dropped the boys off, Holden said from the back seat, "Mommy, I miss Pax." Poor Abe. He is not chopped liver over here. Don't get the wrong impression. But Holden and Pax have a real relationship now, with silly conversations, fighting/arguing and other fun stuff. Abe is still a baby to the big brothers. We did have to pry Abe off of me for him to go into his classroom. And I may have fell apart crying in the hall. I knew it would be a hard drop off for him and in return I suspected it would be a hard one for me as well. Six years into adoption, and I'm still learning more and more. More than I ever wanted to know, but things I need to know. Things I wish I knew and would have believed 6 years ago. And knowing that my baby could be fearful that I might not come back for him almost makes me never want to leave his side. I know that isn't possible. And I know what most people think. I used to think the same. He's been with you for over a year. Hand over your baby. He'll be fine. This is all developmentally normal for him to be upset. But his journey to a forever family was a different one than most of us. So I always have to consider...what is his brain thinking and what is his heart feeling. If I don't even consider it then I don't have any compassion for my kids or their stories. So I'm sure I looked crazy crying in the hallway, but it's just been different this time around. I'm hopeful next week will be a little easier. The director did call me around 11am to tell me Abe was doing wonderfully in his classroom. Reason #27480 that I love this place that my boys go! It's a true blessing. So that was just a long intro to these cute first day pictures. Abe was all smiles at home! But then all tears at the handoff from mommy to his sweet teacher. Pax acted a little nervous about having a new set of teachers. But then marched himself in and made himself right at home.

I attempted a cute littler picture of the boys standing in front of the door, but Abe wanted to run towards me. So I had to snap pictures quickly while he was seated.